he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
there is glitter all over my balls
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
