actually, I'm a sock model
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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