happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
