What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
