i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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