I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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