my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
