So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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