toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
