6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
