OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
