dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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