I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
