Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
