Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we made out on top of his cat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
