Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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