i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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