what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
