I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
