Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
