ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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