They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
