I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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