i would punch a child for taco bell
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you inspire me to be a worse person
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
