Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
