So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
