you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
