Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
