Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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