I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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