I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
