All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
