1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
