Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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