woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
