I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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