is your mom at the bar?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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