I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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