I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No...this little piggys going to the bar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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