He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
