but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
