he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
