I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
