my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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