She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
