turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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