he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You left your underwear on the fireplace
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
