My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
