I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
