Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
