I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
