i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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