I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
