What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
