Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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